5%

This week, I'm spending a lot of time getting back on track with my eating and exercise. It's a little stressful, especially since I'm trying to finish up a work project before I go on vacation next week. I've also been reading a lot of blogs and websites that say you should set a small, obtainable goal to motivate yourself. Well, mine is 5% of my body weight. That's about 7 pounds, which doesn't seem like a lot, but considering how much I've fluctuated (and gained and gained and gained) over the past six months, I think 7 pounds is a reachable goal.

What's YOUR goal?

Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss

I admit it. I'm a big fan of weight loss shows, like the Biggest Loser. This summer, ABC started airing Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss, and I became intrigued. Remember when Extreme Makeover was all about facelifts, tummy tucks, and chin implants? Well, it's a bit different. Trainer Chris Powell spends a year with each person (they all are extremely obese) and tries to help them lose half of their weight. He's pretty amazing, mainly because he's so supportive of each person he deals with.

I've had a few episodes sitting on the DVR, and last night, we watched one featuring a man named Wally (http://abc.go.com/shows/extreme-makeover-weight-loss-edition/episode-detail/wally/811464). Wally was extremely obese, and while he reached his goal of losing 110 pounds over the first three months, he spent the next six months, slowly creeping back up the scale. It was really hard to watch for a few reasons. First, you could see the depression etched on this man's face as he realized he was "losing" his battles. Second, how often do you watch a weight loss show and see someone fail? On the Biggest Loser, those who "fail" to lose the most amount of weight are sent home, but we really don't get in depth with them as to why they are stuck. With Chris and Wally, we did.

Wally claimed to have a food addiction, and Chris treated him as an addict. Mr. Kiki and I had a conversation about this after the show was over. Mr. Kiki thought that food addiction is an excuse, that it was just an inability to control yourself with a pretty label put on it. I disagree. Unlike Mr. Kiki, I cannot have junk food in the house. if it's there, I want it. Chocolate in the drawer? Nope, it's in my tummy. Chips on the counter? Nope, that was my lunch. I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm a food addict, but I know that there are some things that I just can't control, some things that tempt me so much that I give into them readily. I know how "good" it tastes, and so I just want it. Right now. Is that food addiction? Who knows. All I know is that I hesitate to use that term because then it would mean (to me) that I have no self-control.

What do you mean "it's over"?

I got an email from Tina last week saying that bootcamp is over and that we need to come in for our final assessments. I set up a time with her for Wednesday, but, really, I don't wanna. I don't wanna. *stomps feet*

Why? Well, for literally the past month, working out has been the last thing on my mind. I got married; I went on a wonderful honeymoon; I taught class for the past three weeks, five days a week, three hours each day; I'm focused on getting my research back on track; we spent five days in Mr. Kiki's hometown due to a family emergency; we took a long weekend in Toronto to visit family and see a great concert.

We've been in town a total of 13 days out of the past 30.

I'm not looking for excuses. I'm looking to avoid finality. I'm avoiding standing on that scale in front of Tina and seeing that I've gained weight. I know all this. What I'm on is a journey... there are ups and downs, but it never ends. I just feel that this assessment is "final." Can't I keep working out with Tina? Can't I keep going to bootcamp? Can't I take all I've learned and just keep on keeping on? Does it really matter what I weighed in May vs. the third Wednesday in July?

Sigh.

Almost a whole month?!?!

Remember back in June when I said I was getting married? Well, I did. It was lovely and easily one of the best days of my life.

We also went on a week long honeymoon, where a lot of eating and drinking happened.

When we got back, I did a few training sessions with Tina, but that went by the wayside as we had to go home to Mr. Kiki's hometown as his grandfather passed away. By the time we came back, we had three days before we left to go to Toronto to visit some of my family and see Bono and U2 in concert.

Dear Tina...

I sent this email to Tina this afternoon after skipping bootcamp this morning.

****

I'm going to be very honest... this week is a nightmare. I started teaching my three week course today, I'm bogged under a ton of work left over from pre-wedding, and we have only one car this week (Mr. Kiki's is in the shop waiting on a part that might be in later this week) so I have to bring him to work every day as well.

I swear, I gained every bit of weight I lost between the wedding and honeymoon!!

Ta, Kiki

*****

Kiki,

Do not worry!!! I know you will bounce right back. Do NOT let stress defeat you! I will see you tomorrow at 8am..hang in there woman!!

And that, folks, is why I love my trainer.

Where am I?

I'm getting married on Saturday... so, I'm a bit distracted. I'll be back in two weeks, post-honeymoon.

Ice ice baby

I'm kicking ass with my workouts this week. Monday morning, I joined the boot camper only group exercise, Tuesday evening, I did the open boot camp class, and then on Wednesday and Thursday, I worked out with Tina one on one. Today, I totally kicked ass by doing Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred Levels 1 and 3. I've heard from multiple sources that Level 2 is harder than Level 3, but after my workout today, I'm not sure if I believe that :) I think I might try Level 2 tomorrow, although I might hate myself for it.

As a bigger girl, I am frightened of a lot of health issues: hypertension, diabetes, infertility, etc. But the one thing that I've seen time and time again in my family are knee issues. My aunt has had both of her knees replaced by the time she was in her mid-50s, my cousin who is in her late 40s is a candidate for knee replacement, and of course, knee stress is a huge by-product of being overweight. So, on Tuesday night, when I walked out of boot camp with my knee killing me, I was worried and stressed. Did I just hurt my knee? Can I keep going with boot camp? What should I do with Tina on Wednesday, since I had a 1-on-1 with her? I went home, iced my knee, took some Advil, and called it a night.

The next morning, Tina was sympathetic. She told me that knee pain is normal when you're working hard, and even she needs to go home and ice her knees at night and pop a few pills before bed. Teeny tiny Tina? I don't believe it. She had a lot of cardio planned for us on Wednesday, and she gave me the option to modify for my knee, but I pushed through it, and luckily, no more pain. Thursday's 1-on-1 with her was killer. I specifically requested that we do more weight training, but that was a mistake. It was way harder than any cardio (except those asshat burpees... yes, I hate them) she threw at me on Wednesday.

I really like Tina. Yes, she works me hard, and sometimes I refer to our workouts as "beatings" but she's different than what I thought she'd be. When we first started working out, I thought she would just be this skinny little blonde chick who was doing this because she had to. One thing I hate/am afraid of is people judging fat/obese/overweight people because of how they look. I don't know why I thought Tina would be like that, but I did. She's the complete opposite. She knows that we're there to work, she is a great motivator, and she's honest. She never gives me something that I can't do, and if I need to take it down a notch, she doesn't shout in my face, Jillian style. She trusts me to do what I need to do, and I trust her to help me down this path.

What's on board this weekend? Well, more "boot camp" style workouts. Between Jillian's 30 Day Shred and The Biggest Loser/Bob Harper's Boot Camp videos, I think I have enough to tide me over until Monday morning.