Looking back, looking forward

Over the past few weeks, I've realized that I've been living a lie. In my head, I was telling myself that over the past eighteen months, I regained 30 of the 70 pounds I had lost. I finally redid the math and realized that it was forty pounds. How does that happen? How does someone go from losing to gaining again?

Here's a little bit of background: in August 2007, I had a life changing event occur, and I realized that it was my time to do something about the weight that I had gained in graduate school. I couldn't even tell you how much I weighed at my highest. I didn't step on a scale, and I just didn't care. I started slowly, but by spring 2008, I was exercising regularly, eating well, and challenging myself: I started the Couch to 5K program, learned how to ride a bike (finally!), went rock climbing for the first time, and just pushed myself throughout summer 2009. Fall 2009 start out rockily: due to a family emergency, I spent close to two weeks driving between my hometown and my job (five hours each way) so I could be near my family. After that, the schedule I set up just fell apart. And since that time, I just didn't get my motivation back. I quit the gym, quit worrying about what went in my mouth, and just "enjoyed life".

How ironic, huh?

I'm at that point where I'm seeing a number on the scale that I never imagined would be staring back at me. I'm dealing with some health problems that I thought were behind me. I'm having to shop in the "women's" section of a clothing store rather than the "misses'" section (grrr... I promised myself that I would never set foot in a Lane Bryant again, and I haven't yet, but it's getting hard not to). Most of my clothes don't fit, and it's not a joy to go shopping because you *have* to get a larger size.

So, what am I doing about this? I decided to take this summer to regain what I lost. And maybe along the way, I can figure out what it was that I lost, because I cannot point to one thing to say "This is why my behavior changed." I've signed up for a "Fit Camp" at my university's gym. It's a little daunting, mainly because I'm guessing that most of the people who will be in this camp are a good ten years younger than me. I'm going for my assessment today, and starting next week, I'm obligated to go to two group boot camp classes and one personal trainer session each week. I'm hoping that this is what I need... a little structure, a little push, to get me back to where I was.